An Ice Storm In March...

It would just be Jon's luck that we would wake up and there would be a horrible ice storm on the first day of his services! It was one of the rare moments in those few days that we were able to smile at the irony. We had some errands to do, and my brother & sister-in-law were coming to take over the care of our Little Lady. We met at my parents house first, and we had all decided it would be a very quiet night since we didn't expect most people to make it out in the icy weather. Well, again, God knows better. The place was packed. You could hardly move, and it was pretty overwhelming. It seemed that everyone came, and no one was even tempted to stay home because of the weather. And thankfully, God kept everyone safe. Not that there weren't a few minor incidents, but no one got hurt. We cried, we hugged, we were even able to laugh. I think the hardest thing for me that night was to see how many of HIS friends were there. We didn't even know he knew that many people! It was like we weren't allowed into that part of his life. It made me sad. I mean, Matt & Ca were his best friends, and we all grew up together and spent literally every day with, and I really had no idea that they were all still so close. That's pretty sad on my part. I felt terrible. We are rebuilding those relationships now, but it's so hard to know that this is what it took for that to happen. I always thought poor Matt was a bad influence. Boy, was I ever wrong. He was probably the best person Jon could have chosen to have in his life at the time.
This is where quite a bit of my guilt comes in. I look at some of my friends and the relationships they have with their siblings. Yes, we were a close family, but let's be honest. Jon & I didn't see eye to eye more often than not. He was into his drinking and drugging, and I was trying to settle down. I didn't want to be a part of his lifestyle, but I should have been more a part of his life. I can't go back now. And I can't apologize to him for that, and I will never know if it would have helped him. I love him, he's my brother, and I should have been there for him more...